When Divorce Becomes the Only Way

A story of fear, courage and starting over...

This is not me telling anyone to walk away from their marriage. I am not encouraging divorce at all. But sometimes you reach a point where there is no other option. And if you do, don’t be scared. You will get through it. You will find a way to rebuild your life.

It won’t be easy. It will feel like your whole world has ended. But in the middle of that fear, you will find strength you didn’t know you had.

The Fear

I was 31 when I made my decision. I had two very small kids — one was six, the other not even one. I had got married at 20, straight from my parents’ house into his. I didn’t know how to live on my own. The thought of leaving was terrifying.

I still remember the day I told him. Then my sister. Then my parents. I was in office, and after those calls I just broke down. I sat at my desk crying my eyes out. A colleague saw me and simply held me while I sobbed. That was the moment it became real.

Finding Help

I thought I was alone. But once I made the move, I realised help comes from unexpected places.

·          There were the police officer and the security guard who stood quietly in the background, making sure no one could reach me when I was terrified. Just knowing they were there gave me enough courage to breathe.

·           A colleague walked beside me for weeks. She climbed endless stairs, looked at more than 30 flats, and bargained with brokers when I didn’t have the energy. I don’t think I would have found a home without her.

·          Another colleague gave me the lifelines I needed — introductions, recommendations, contacts for schools, doctors, hospitals, even where to go for medicines (because I was in a neighbourhood that was completely new to me). Those small pieces of guidance kept me from feeling completely lost.

·           On the day of the move, when fear was eating me alive, one more colleague simply said, “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you are safe today.” And for that day, I believed him.

·           My parents, so far away, held me up through phone calls, and then dropped everything to fly down for the scariest parts of the process. They even took me and the kids away on a short holiday — because they could see I was close to breaking.

·           My six-year-old son, still a little boy, walked into police stations holding my hand, because I couldn’t walk in by myself. His courage was bigger than mine.

·           My sister was waiting for me in the new house, helping me set it up, giving me the courage to carry my kids in and not look back.

·           Friends kept calling, refusing to let me sink completely. They made me laugh when I thought I’d forgotten how.

·           A cousin showed up for court hearings when I couldn’t face going alone. Just sitting next to me, he made it less unbearable.

The Other Side

Not everyone stood by me. Some people cut me off. Some talked behind my back. Some told me I was making a mistake. That hurt, of course. But in the end, it didn’t matter. The courage I found in myself, and the few who stood beside me, were enough.

What I Learned

Divorce is not freedom on a plate. It is messy. It is humiliating. It is frightening. It breaks you.

But it also shows you things you never forget:

• That you can start again even when you don’t know how.

• That your children can give you strength you didn’t know was possible.

• That kindness will come from unexpected places.

• That even when people judge you, there will be others who help you stand up.

If You are There Now

If you are in that place today — scared, unsure, thinking you can’t do it — know this: you can.

It won’t happen overnight. It will take everything you have. But you will survive. And slowly, you will rebuild.

Life after divorce isn’t the end. It is the beginning of finding yourself again.

P.S. I went through this many years ago, and it has taken me a long time to find the words and the courage to speak about it. This isn’t a celebration of divorce. It’s a hand held out for anyone standing at the edge of it — scared, hurting, and unsure if they’ll make it through. I’ve walked this road myself, and I know how lonely it can feel. That’s why I write — so if you’re facing it now, you know you’re not alone. You will get through this. And if these words make even one person feel seen, then they’ve done their job.