Where Did She Go.....

That girl : carefree, paint on her face, joy in her eyes. I think I am finding my way back to her :-)

A few days ago, I found an old Facebook comment of mine from years ago. It was ridiculous-every word stretched out with twenty vowels. Hiiiiiiiiiiiii, sooooooo happppyyyyyyyyyyy, yaaaaaayyyyyyyy. Basically, I was a walking exclamation mark!

Everyone used to make fun of me for it; my always-excited way of writing. But honestly? That was me. I was excited. About people, plans, possibilities, everything. Life felt like something worth yelling about, even in text form.

Somewhere along the way, that energy disappeared. Now I write “Hi.” Full stop. Who is this woman?

I can’t quite pinpoint when it happened - maybe somewhere between growing up and just… growing tired. Life piles on. Work, bills, responsibilities. Disappointments. The endless expectations to be calm, composed, and professional. You stop squealing in excitement because it feels childish. You start measuring your reactions, editing your feelings, lowering the volume.

And then one day, you look at an old photo of yourself — with flowers painted across your face, smiling without thinking, glowing without trying — and it hits you. That girl was having fun. She wasn’t performing joy, she was living it.

It’s not that I don’t feel things anymore. I do. I just learned to hide it better. To say “yeah” instead of “OMG YESSSSSSSSSSS.” To nod politely instead of jumping up and down. Somewhere along the way, adulthood made me quieter. And not in a zen way - more in a please-don’t-judge-me-for-caring-too-much way.

But here’s the thing — now, at 46, I think I am slowly finding my way back to that girl. Not the one who overused the letter “i,” but the one who didn’t apologise for being happy. The one who found joy in small things - a walk, a song, a good cup of coffee, and didn’t feel the need to downplay it.

Life does get to you. It wears you down, smooths out your edges, quiets your spark. But if you are lucky, it also gives you perspective — the sense that you don’t owe anyone a “toned-down” version of yourself.

So here’s to bringing back a little of that unnecessary enthusiasm. To typing exxxxtttrrtraaa letters again. To feeling things loudly, even if no one gets it.

Still me. Just rebooting the sparkle. ✨