Oh My God, How Fat You Have Become!

A mother, a daughter, and a lifetime of free advice we never asked for

Haven’t people heard of “don’t throw stones if you live in a glass house?” Or maybe — “if you can’t say something nice, just chew your food quietly?”

I was back in my hometown recently, and before every meeting with anyone - relatives, neighbours, friends of my parents - I kept warning my 15-year-old daughter.“ People will say things,” I told her. “About how you look, how you have grown, what you are wearing. Just smile and move on, okay?”

I gave her the full lecture — how people love to comment even when no one asked, how she shouldn’t let it get to her, how confidence must be self-made. I didn’t want her to go through what we did growing up. My poor older sister was the main target of everyone’s opinions — grades, skin, weight, you name it. I was mostly spaced out living happily in my own head, so half the remarks just bounced off me.

This time, I thought I was ready. Except — the first comment wasn’t about her.

It was about me .

“Oh my God, how fat you’ve become!”

There it was. The opener. A perfect 10 on the unsolicited-personal-comment scale.

My mind instantly filled with a thousand possible comebacks : sharp, witty, some even poetic. I could have said plenty about the size, shape, and disposition of the person (and half her family tree, honestly). But of course, we were raised to be polite. To smile. To swallow retorts like bitter medicine and act like we enjoyed the taste.

So I smiled. And I agreed. Wholeheartedly. “Yes, yes, I have,” I said cheerfully, as if she had complimented my new haircut.

A few days later, my daughter got her own round of feedback — “You’ve become so thin,” “You’ve become darker,” “You’ve grown taller,” “You look tired.” It’s amazing how the same child can look completely different to different people.

Even my mother wasn’t spared. One person told her she’s gained weight; another, within hours, said she’s looking too thin. I was tempted to bring the two together and let them argue it out — maybe start a show called The Great Indian Comment League.

Because really, what is this national obsession with pointing out physical changes? We meet after years, and the first thing out of someone’s mouth is a performance review of our body??!!

Maybe we do it because we don’t know what else to say. Or maybe we’ve been trained to believe observation equals affection.

But why doesn’t anyone stop to think how much it can actually hurt? The person you are commenting on probably already sees herself in the mirror every day — she knows what she looks like. Maybe she is already worrying about it, or maybe, for once, she is feeling good about herself. Either way, that one comment can undo it all. It can make her question herself, shrink a little, feel small.

And when it’s said to teenagers, it’s even worse. Those words stick. They chip away at confidence, at self-worth. They turn into the voice in your head that whispers you are never quite enough.

But I have decided I am done taking notes.

These days, when someone comments on my weight, my hair, or my general existence, I still smile — but it’s the kind of smile that says, Thank you for your free feedback. I’ll file it under “Unsolicited Nonsense.”

After all, it’s not our weight that needs adjusting. It’s their perspective.